Graduation Preparation in Edgar’s Village

By B.O.B

This is the day that village folks of my former school mates have been waiting for.
Ask Edgar Aaron and he will tell you that his village mates bought kitenges and high heels for the first time for this ”BIG” day.

Edgar’s auntie, Awuor Nyakarungu who is a choir member in the local Nomiya Church, has organized a group of 8 virgin girls who shall sing for their son Edgar during his initiation to the world of degree holders. The eight virgins shall sing for Edgar praise songs for his ”kingness” before Edgar can choose the most beautiful of these choir girls to satisfy his ego because it’s a ritual. Being the first graduate in his village, Edgar must have sex with a virgin in order to be successful in life. So this is a purification ritual for their son.
Now the old men of Edgar’s village have hired a Bajaj motorcycle that shall be driven by the female chief of Edgar’s village just in front of the bus carrying the villagers and it will be like a presidential entourage.
The bus belongs to a secondary school where Edgar with kiwi shining beards and armpit hairs, was teaching CRE with a Luo swag. If you met him wearing sharp shooters you might have thought that he was the principal because the principal is some Neanderthal man who still wears plaited trousers with turn up at the bottom with a tie having the colours of the flag of Kenya.
Now Edgar has also invited special friends to attend this ceremony: His ex-girlfriend of class six Anyango Nyakadenge who made Edgar fail CRE because of the two devils in her bras, Mr Omwandho Osoth who beat Edgar for bringing mapera to his ‘rotten’ toothed daughter, B.O.B Master of Ceremony and Dalmas as the bouncer.

When the whole crew arrives, they shall call Edgar ”Igweee”, as if they were with Edgar when he was using mwakenya in exams.

They shall pitch a tent next to the Moi University swimming pool where they shall cook with their own sufurias. An envoy of first years in Moi from Edgar’s village courtesy of Edgar as their motivational speaker, has been formed to fetch firewood for the cooking from falls bushes.

My friend Tony Irungu shall bring muthokoi and kamande cooked because he has no firewood fetchers.
All I can say is that, Edgar, I wish you all the best plus all others graduating on 3rd October, usiringe na degree moja, thermometer iko na 100 na inakaa chini ya makwapa.

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