By Raphael Osano
OSANO: Have I entered the dwelling that derives revenue by being dependent on the safety of our tarsal, metatarsals and phalanges?
ATTENDANT: Yes, we specialize in all footwear shoes, slippers…..etc
OSANO: How did the registrar of companies approve such names that depict poultry rearing or were you camouflaging yourselves to induce the Abaluhya community into impulse buying?
ATTENDANT: Hiyo jina imekwa toka kitambo. Can I show you some wears?
OSANO: Yes yes……please expose me to some designs that have just debuted.
OSANO: Nasema onyesha mimi latest arrivals.
ATTENDANT: Leather or regular wear
OSANO: My watch is strap leather…My belt is leather….My wallet is leather….My phone bag is leather. Applying the basics of arithmetic progression cant you deduce that my feet should be encased in leather. In fact leather has ignited a stiff rivalry with my hemoglobin as to which of the two is made in my body and this me a lot of warmth.
ATTENDANT: Open shoes or closed shoes?
OSANO: I show preference to closed shoes as I seek anonymity of my dorsum.
ATTENDANT: Okay let me bring you one you try on. Un avaa viatu number?
OSANO: Subject your years of experience into practice and visualize my feet….then deduce the numerical connotations it bears before I seek audience with your manager on the basis of lackluster and jaded service delivery emitting and emanating from his subordinates.
ATTENDANT: Hii kiatu imekufaa sana. Si unaona hata ni sharp-shooter kama hiyo yako
OSANO: Yes, yes…..both bears a poignant front and the union it has established with my feet is impeccable.
ATTENDANT: Hiyo ni sh. 9875…bei nzuri saana.
OSANO: In fact these would associate well with my McIntyre and Hismel suits that I just imported from Italy the previous week.
ATTENDANT: Leta basi nikufungie kiatu safi sana hiyo
OSANO: I think you mis-read my gesture…..
OSANO: I was just orchestrating price awareness in absentia of currency* Omera I was doing window shopping. My shoes have withered but I have already booked an appointment with the cobbler tomorrow and he is set to revive them.
ATTENDANT: Sasa umenifanyia kazi bure ya nini?
OSANO: Do not radiate disgust and stop inducing my tongue to breathe fire on you. Your attempts have not been subject to futility. You can induct me on your curriculum vitae as a referee so that when called upon, I can reciprocate your gesture by testifying that you served me well