Analogue vs Digital ~ By NYAMAI Nick

 

If you have been following the current political game of words, then by now you must definitely know where you belong. Are you analogue or digital?

This debate has generated heated exchange of bitter words between the political old big wigs and the fresh blood of young political gimmicks, who will risk anything to score a point or two.

 

  In this context, lets analyse the analogue finalist- who has stood the test of time in this campus in comparison with the digitalized fresha who is quick to breath the campus air of incredulity.

 

  An analogue finalist girl understands her self-worth, she may not win much attention in the public, but just like the analogue TV, experience and time has shaped her, she has a sense of identity and will not wait to be digitalized but instead prefers being at her comfort zones.

 

  Contrary to this, the digital fresh babe holds her head high wherever she passes, she will feel admired. Majority of the masculine gender will give her enough plus much more adoration. She is digital, she has a taste of clad, medium sized, with curves at the right places, she walks meticulously with her head held high (a sign of buoyancy) her beauty is accompanied by a warm smile. Her booty lines up proportionately with her body. She has her natural hair- well gloomed and you can’t avoid fixing your eyes on her. (not all)

 

  The analogue dude understands his instinct more than he can trust his mother, in fact the word TRUST no longer exists in his ‘dictionary’. (For my case I only trust my cartoons, those that I give much control and caption what they should say). The analogue dude wont just rush for that digital fresha but in fact switch her back to analogue first before crossing the border to her digital side.

  He has developed a bond with his coil; it will warm him whenever he feels cold and cook his food when hungry, he believes that simplicity is extraterrestrial and that life is an acceptance of reality and finding strength where you have been planted.

  The analogue babe prefers developing a closer attachment with her room, prefers her privacy, will have much to share with her inner-self while the analogue dude prefers living in a crowded room with lots of his so called ‘friends’, those that will hit on his new catch wherever he happens to be strolling somewhere in stage and she pops inn to give him surprise night visit.

  For the digital first year dude, he still follows much of his mothers’ advice, he will value himself and hope that one day, just maybe his digitalized babe will come back to her senses, ditch her analogue finalist and accept his unconditional love for her. 

  The digital first year babe is quick to lure, she gets much of her seductive gestures from the so called social blogs, she won’t just accept your vibes but she will also add  spicy lines even before you are done with the last sentence, and call you gewd lookin, kewl guy (good looking, cool guy) despite your analogue facade.  

The writer is 4th year—LMC SASS

 

 

 

TYPES OF LUOS

by Victor Odongo
Mjaluo: is a full cast of a luo man and a luo woman. Letter ‘O’ is prevalent in the family name. They are associated with Kisumu in terms of birth, speech, delicacy or residence. Has a problem with ‘h’ that comes after ‘s’. May not be wealthy or literate, but is rich and educated…

Jaluo: is not necessarily a Mjaluo, but may be mistaken to be one. Is an ardent Gor Mahia follower and a Raila diehard. Has Christmas and new year celebration every Friday. Has installed a powerful music system in their Prado or other, with “Ohangla” or “Rhumba” subtitles. Has a printed Gor Mahia t-shirt. Is the idea behind ‘Jaluo in the house’…

Luopean: may not necessarily be Mjaluo or Jaluo, but has a vocabulary or two that can confuse an individual or two. Doesn’t ask for the price of any good or service before, but rather after purchasing. May even suggest a price. Is the idea behind ‘aluf tang’o’. Is not proud, but is generous with necessary ego. He is inter and intercontinentally available online. Is an E and I person, with taste in smart things. Has Christmas and new year everyday because to a luopean, life is EXTREMELY short!

At Kisumu union primary school…

SMS from 12year old Omondi to 10year old Nekesa…

Nekesa yoo, ulibeba simu ya mamau leo? Kama ulibeba bas soma ii meseg. Kama ujasoma, ambia resipient areturn if undelivad iwinjo? Eniway, Maalim amesatoka kwa clas yenyu? Pare sisi tumesaenda brek. Nekesa wacha kuplay ad to get, hayaa. Najua sisi bado ni ndogo lakini ata angalia ong’er, pole monkey, sais yake kidogo, lakini teil heeh looong! Okey najua sida yako, lakini Nekesa yawa nimewai nyima wee lunch ukweli wa mungu? A a Nekesa tuseme tu ukweli wa mungu nimesawai? Si bado? In fact breakfast yangu, lunch yangu na chai ya saa kum si sisi ufanya grup wak kwao? Na si mimi hupaticipet kwa iyo grupwak kidogo tu? Anyway mimi sikuwa na maneno sana, ni tu uyo mwalim wenyu amekaa na nyinyi sana yawa. 

Kwani ye ndio anafundisa nini na ata bado nawasindanga wote, pole, except wewe. Najua tu ye ni Mrs. Praxidis wa maths. 
Nimemalisa kuandika SMes, kujaaa sawa? Reply ii meseg. Oh wacha nikusambasie alafu uniflas mukisatoka iwinjo?

Jaluo comes home from work and sits on his leather sofa, stretching his leather shoes on the leather leg rest in front of the TV.

Jaluo: by the way darling, remote control iko wapi?Auma/Apondi: born and comes out assuming a face down position. She likes covering up things, situations, stories etc. She is very caring, and will keep hold of secret no matter what! Basically, she is secretive and loving. The pregnant woman ‘danced’ recently, before the baby started kicking, and as such, the baby is only looking down ashamed of what
happened when she was still in the womb not so long ago.

Awino: born when the cereals ripen in the farms and the African Quelea (Aluru) bird migrate to feed on the crops. Bird hunters lay traps using the cow tail strands(wino) to catch the birds hence the name. She is a trickster, witty and intelligent, always taking advantage. She is kind of selfish.

Aoko: she is born outside and far from the vicinity of the father’s home. She is always up and about, cant stay in one place for long. Very outgoing and travel-philic. Most are found in the outside the country and not studying of working, just for the fun of it.

Apiyo: the fast one. Always the first to clear obligations. Quick to cook, quick to love, quick to hate, temperamental etc. If u want to live life on the fast lane, this is your girl. The pregnant mother lost her temper a number of times the day labour began.

Aketch: born in the season of famine or when the mother lacked appetite or the mother was hungry. She eats and eats and eats. She knows all the hotels in town. Fortunately, she is very generous!

Akado: the opposite of aketch.

GATES GET CLOSED FOR EARLY LEAVERS AT ST MICHAELS

BY Joshwa Victor Anangwe

The overwhelming number of the Catholic Christians of Moi University general fraternity led to the mass service being held outside the church building that commonly accommodates an approximation of a thousand plus people. The high number of Christians that were consolidated in one mass service as dictated by the church calendar saw a mass of humanity fill the church compound few minutes before 10.00 am on Sunday in preparation for the Muvuno day.

The big congregation that brought together all the umbrella affiliated groups under St Michaels Chaplaincy could definitely not fit in the church building. The Christians stared sympathetically to their often used chapel as majority felt like wallowing in a space of freedom worship as they kept on shifting the sitting positions….ground… bench…shade…sun…stand…sit.
The summon was wonderful, Fr. Njoro perfected it though the topic was crushing, when you talk about money, human beings always tend to not advice themselves with the topic. Yes, Fr. Njoroge reminded the Christians about the meaning of “Fungu la Kumi” in relation to the blessings one gets from our dad “Jehova”.

It was a happy moment when the priest presented to the audience a newlywed couple that took the vows on Saturday 26th. The couple were about seventy years of age but understood the meaning and the joy that comes with wedding and walking down the aisle. It was a happy old new wedded couple.
However, the church compound gates were closed to lock people in so as to avoid commotions and early leaving of the service.

Having the mass service held in the church compound gave a number of people an opportunity to start prioritising their own timetable to leave the church early due to the elongated service and speeches. The gates were hence closed to keep Christians at mass and to get rid of the common early leavers. 

The behaviour of leaving the mass service earlier before it ends has always generated heats with the priests in service on some Sundays. This happens mostly when the students are always approaching their CATs and the Examination periods.

The move almost provoked the presiding priest to unleash ambiguous wording domains to provoke the ever increasing the behaving of leaving the church early. The priest condemned those who disobeyed the church program in pursue of their own businesses sited Sunday as a special day for praising and worshiping God. He encouraged the congregation to often give 10% of their wealth and to stop cheating God as it was well outlined in the day’s readings.

STOP WAITING

BY Raphael Osano

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another baby and maybe the third one. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we will be more content when they are old and can take care of themselves.

Later, we are frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with and maybe we will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We console ourselves that maybe we will get better when our spouses get their acts together, when we are able to get a nicer car or when we can go on a nicer vacation maybe to celebrate summer abroad. Some of us even think of retirement at the ideal time to be happy. The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Maybe never.

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. As Roger Crawford puts it……..being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional. Just keep fighting and face the bulls from the head.

Alfred D. Souce once said, “For a long time, it seemed that life was about to begin-real life. But there were always some obstacles on the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

From this perspective, is it not true that there is no way to happiness but rather happiness is the way? So treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time…..and remember that time waits for no one. 

So are you still waiting……..

Until you finish school or until you go back to school
Until you lose ten pounds if you are “pum pum” or until you gain ten pounds if you some “tooth-pick”
Until you have kids or until your kids leave the house

Until you start work or until you retire
Until you get married or until you get divorced
Until Friday night or until Sunday morning

Until you get a new car/ home or until your car/ home is paid off
Until spring, winter, autumn or until its summer time

Until you are off welfare-wise
Until your song comes on
Until you’ve had a drink or until you’ve sobered up

Until you die or until you are born again
So decide because we have no better time to be happy than right since happiness is a journey not a destination

THE WALKING DEAD

By Aggrey Omurunga

In every existing institution, a leader exists. From home to company, a commander lightens and establishes the crew he/she leads. Leadership varies from one individual to the other. “A leader is born not made”, my grandpa would repeat.
The quality would not matter to most but in university with a difference?…..yeah.it does. Here leaders lead multiculturally mixed persons ,the whole lot just must be contented with the flexibility accommodating leadership they perceive nor hear. Drawing back to university with a difference, our leaders have miserably failed. They have dared ignorance in their duties and can now testify of the severe reaction they elicit. The worst blow, unluckily felt on the mutilated sensitive docket: entertainment. Evidently the docket is stuck wrecked, totally dry and drained not even to raise a mere peanut for the DSTV subscription fee. The man behind is blue, his presence virtual and his order…drowned in queer shame.
Four years down the line, though at times my presence has never endured such a long untidy shame . Maybe those were signs knocking, and now they have banged! One month now and even the much noisily lauded Mr President just forces a guilty face through the highways. Shame on you Mr chairman. Look back all the loyalty and trust you were granted and the best you can reciprocate .Really, are you happy with your deliverance as far as students expected from you? Do you even care? Oh, once praised now the theme to all gossips around. The legacy is fading in your face Mr Sir. Your problem solving skills is pathetic.
Look around at kick-off time, you just will realise you are the best in sign language. it’s written all over their faces: students, you are a loyal failure, maybe innocent. comrades are growling. The prize of the gamble is horrific. they can even enjoy evening news coverage.
With every passing day, the growing anticipated just fans flabby on the kick-off day. The most weak reason stands strong: subscription expired!!! Hello! Where am I? The question lingers in my mind with acute strings of pain fearing my heart. With anger, just how at Moi, Main campus, students centre, can this live to reign? 
It’s just the worst tearing pain I am subjected to endure at academic sphere where I am taught importance of leisure to an academicians. At the same time experiencing the exact opposite. I wonder if I would be a reflection of such terrible failures when my season expires from Moi subscription to the world.
It feels hungry being away from these eroded and lose leadership. Stiff scared should these leadership skills be nurtured.
It’s no doubt that this is the worst term served. Leaders deserve a tap on their back but this deserve an individual not a hard initiated reward. With a multitude of students, the count would best be far beyond just a tap. But leaders beware, everyone might just say: Sorry, I pity you!!! You have turned a rising alter into a crashing temple. 
Students centre is desperately turning into a monument in your eyes. Reciprocate the total doubtful trust we invested in you with loyalty. It pays no credit to serve on line :self mind.
With all these, you remind me of babu’s story! After a student being asked how much his father will refund if he was loaned Ksh10,000 on interested of Ksh 1000.
….the students confidently and adamantly lifts the hand to insist he wont pay back anything. Why “My dad does not pay back” What a miser-matics

 

SELF EMPLOYMENT: WAIGANJO STYLE

By Nathan Ronoh

Want an easier way to get money? Ever lost your cash to an officer, guess it’s now payback time…just impersonate (common word among the force). With police being one of the easiest way to make money from it, most attention has now shifted to it. First it was corruption though I don’t sincerely support it, it’s what theysurvive on and considering the salary the government gives them, the ‘kitu kidogo’ keeps them going. Far from this, it looks like we also found a new way to get the cash out of police or from playing a role of ‘a police’ or so to say relating yourself to one.
With many other ‘police officers’ out there, at least we have a chance to brag about a few we know about. 

Joshua Waiganjo has been one of the common name among the lips of many this January. Until discovery, he was the ‘deputy PPO for Rift Valley province up from a police reservist in West Pokot. 

One thing we know is that for all those years he had a payslip and adding with others from ‘kitu kidogo’ he not only got cash from the police service but also from poor Kenyans. At least with a tribunal now out to investigate the matter we have a ray of hope of seeing the whole thing uncovered; who paid him, who promoted him, who gave the uniform he wore and how many officers he sacked. A few other samples on this are Jackson Siro who formed facebook account impersonating the new Inspector General. As if this was not enough, a teenage student at Syumbe Secondary School tried to extort money from former MPs Charles Nyamai, David Musila and Isaac Mwiki all from Kitui backyard.

Our Kenyan officers have normally been identified with many negative defaults but this one raises a lot of questions about the safety of a Kenyan civilian. We always feel safer closer to a police man but I guess it’s starting to go the other way round now. Many counts of insecurity prove this fact and may be the many problems within the force could explain this. 
Could this’ Waiganjo’ thing explain why 42 police officers died in Baragoi while tracking down cattle rustlers. So this makes me ask myself that if an armed police man can be shot down, what about an innocent Kenyan like me? Apart from Al Shabaab attacks this has never happened that we lost all the officers in a field because if we surely try to make a comparrisson among this guys(rustlers) with the police, we cant afford to do it. In terms of arms ,police have better. When it comes to skills, the same police went for a training for more than seven months. So who’s to blame for this? We just have to bring ourselves to the problems on the ground.
Towards the end of last year and a part of this January, we saw our innocent Kenyans in Tana River still losing lives due to attacks even after over 1400 GSU officers deployed in the area. What does this say about the security of the country? Guess you will have a good answer for that. The rot among our police force explains a lot about the security state in any given area. Guess we only need time to uncover all this but as every Kenyan would say, this is KKENYA and government is government.

And taking an eye to the political field, one of the things am waiting to hear from any candidates mouth on February 11th is how the level of security in each one government will be dealt with. When I say February 11th all I’m thinking about is the first ever presidential debate. I’m waiting to see how each of this future presidents will express themselves and you know being the first I’m hoping to see something better .After all its March 4th that’s going to be the decider….

JALUO IN BATA SHOP

By Raphael Osano

OSANO: Have I entered the dwelling that derives revenue by being dependent on the safety of our tarsal, metatarsals and phalanges?
ATTENDANT: Yes, we specialize in all footwear shoes, slippers…..etc
OSANO: How did the registrar of companies approve such names that depict poultry rearing or were you camouflaging yourselves to induce the Abaluhya community into impulse buying?
ATTENDANT: Hiyo jina imekwa toka kitambo. Can I show you some wears?
OSANO: Yes yes……please expose me to some designs that have just debuted.
ATTENDANT: eeeeeeegh
OSANO: Nasema onyesha mimi latest arrivals.
ATTENDANT: Leather or regular wear
OSANO: My watch is strap leather…My belt is leather….My wallet is leather….My phone bag is leather. Applying the basics of arithmetic progression cant you deduce that my feet should be encased in leather. In fact leather has ignited a stiff rivalry with my hemoglobin as to which of the two is made in my body and this me a lot of warmth.
ATTENDANT: Open shoes or closed shoes?
OSANO: I show preference to closed shoes as I seek anonymity of my dorsum.
ATTENDANT: Okay let me bring you one you try on. Un avaa viatu number?
OSANO: Subject your years of experience into practice and visualize my feet….then deduce the numerical connotations it bears before I seek audience with your manager on the basis of lackluster and jaded service delivery emitting and emanating from his subordinates.
ATTENDANT: Hii kiatu imekufaa sana. Si unaona hata ni sharp-shooter kama hiyo yako
OSANO: Yes, yes…..both bears a poignant front and the union it has established with my feet is impeccable.
ATTENDANT: Hiyo ni sh. 9875…bei nzuri saana.
OSANO: In fact these would associate well with my McIntyre and Hismel suits that I just imported from Italy the previous week.
ATTENDANT: Leta basi nikufungie kiatu safi sana hiyo
OSANO: I think you mis-read my gesture…..
ATTENDANT: Eti???????????
OSANO: I was just orchestrating price awareness in absentia of currency* Omera I was doing window shopping. My shoes have withered but I have already booked an appointment with the cobbler tomorrow and he is set to revive them.
ATTENDANT: Sasa umenifanyia kazi bure ya nini?
OSANO: Do not radiate disgust and stop inducing my tongue to breathe fire on you. Your attempts have not been subject to futility. You can induct me on your curriculum vitae as a referee so that when called upon, I can reciprocate your gesture by testifying that you served me well