After conquering sleep with a triumphant yawn, I wake up and head to the shower before I wear my suit to work. When you see me out there you know I’m always smart. I wipe myself dry before I open my closet and lay the suit on my spread bed.

I put on the vest of hatred; no it doesn’t shield me from the cold but from love. I hate my brother , my sister, my workmates, my former high school desk mate and even my neighbour’s cat.  And I distribute hate in plenty. I hate it because it makes me feel better about myself.  I put on the boxers of lust , my restless loins will not let me rest until I satisfy my sexual desires, I wring my neck lustfully anywhere I see a lady walking past me with a favourable frame and facial beauty. I used to have an anaemic social life before I joined politics but now it’s vibrant since I’m in the spotlight, allowing me to meet and greet a lot so those one night stands are common especially with those female news reporters after press conferences. What can I say about my lust? I’m simply human.

The trouser of pretence, yes, I’m a pretender. You don’t get what you see, with the trousers I can hide my true character. The pockets allow me to hide my bad habits and sick character when I face the public, you will think I’m an angel. I want to persuade you to vote me, to support me and anyway no one can see what’s in my pockets.  The shoes of theft lead to where I can steal. The shoes fit me perfectly so I steal and con with much success. I steal big and small, wide and narrow, I have no specifics, where there is shining gold and it’s not mine, I’ll be there to steal it. I justify theft by calling it ‘borrowing without permission’.  My socks of corruption complement the shoes of theft. When I take off my shoes, the stench of corruption  stinks to high heaven. The bad smell drives people away. I cannot sit comfortably with my shoes off because where people are I am exposed. People cover their noses disgustingly, but do I care? No, not at all, I call it ambition. I will corrupt my way into getting what and to where I want.

The shirt of rebellion covers my upper body. I have rebelled against everyone. I hear nothing anyone has to say. My ears are cottoned. I don’t see any other person’s perspective. My eyes are blinded.  I know better than everyone. My mind is fixed. My rebellion gives me a sense of false might, I feel powerful. I prefer to call it, swimming against the current. This is where the necktie of pride comes in. I have asked myself why the tie is worn around the neck. My pride will eventually strangle and kill me; it is around the neck anyway. A tie can make or break a suit. A necktie stands out just like my pride. My pride makes me look down on others as I elevate myself. I mask my pride terming it as confidence.

The coat of ignorance is what I wear next. I have a tendency to ignore the right way to pursue the wrong. I ignore the consequences of my wrongdoing even if it hurts others. I ignore those who really love and care about me, from my family to my voters. My ignorance comes in the form of words and action. Finally, the belt of deception holds my trouser tight and brings a certain shine to my suit. I lie myself in and out of trouble. I lie and it hurts those close to me. I lie with or without a cause. I lie without rhyme or reason. I cause a lot of damage with my lies, they cause violence, pain, suffering and destruction. But more disastrously, I lie to myself. The self-deception makes me think I have the sharpest suit in town.

The pride, pretence, theft, corruption, ignorance, lust and deception are the character traits that make me a politician and a human being by a resounding extension. I looked at my suit in the mirror this morning and I was smart, as always, but it’s just because of lying to myself. The reality is that it makes me as ugly as sin or in this case as ugly as a politician.




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