Soweto Mess Hit By Spoon Shoratge ~ By OSOMBAH W. Steve

WITH utmost grief I would wish to announce that all is not well in my favourite dining hall. Soweto Mess is experiencing an acute shortage of spoons. Comrades have been forced to wait for their colleagues to finish eating and take their spoons, wash, then proceed to eat notwithstanding the fact the food is will be cold by the time they get the spoons. Time wasting is not an option right now with exams commencing in the next 3 weeks. In addition to that, we have C.A.T’s and Academic Term Papers harassing us left, right and centre. It’s that time of the semester when comrades are very busy: many comrades are recovering time they lost when the semester began and if you want to provoke anyone, waste his/her time. Apparently there are more folks than spoons. Eating RnB (Rice and Beans) using folks is not fun for those of you who had no option and had to use them can attest to this. There are also those who use spoons when eating Ugali. Am not in this category but am speaking on their behalf. Where I come from we don’t use spoons when eating Ugali. Actually, I experienced culture shock when I first set my foot in this great province. It looked strange to me and for a minute I thought I was lost when I bumped onto this phenomenon. It is a taboo in my culture so it took me by surprise but as time went by I got used to seeing people using spoons for this activity. In my culture you must ‘feel’ the ugali…he he he! Anyway let’s get back to the problem at hand.
Theories Underlying the Shortage of Spoons in Soweto Mess
There are two theories underpinning this spoon shortage debacle. The proponents of theory one argue that comrades have been looting this useful tool from the mess. Continuous looting over time by the comrades has resulted to the acute shortage of spoons we are now experiencing. Therefore, the premise of this theory is that the current crisis is self attributed.
Proponents of theory two on the other hand argue that the number of comrades coming to take their meals at the mess has been on increase of late. This trend has been associated with lots of CATs and Take Away assignments and comrades don’t have enough time to prepare their own food in the hostels. The premise of theory two is that the number of comrades going to the cafeteria has exceeded the number of spoons available hence the shortage. I don’t know which of these two theories we can apply but either way we need explanation for the missing spoons.
Am appealing to the concerned authorities to do something and please let them do it quick. We don’t need a kamkunji for this, do we? It is not only unhealthy to share spoons but it doesn’t just feel right. It’s embarrassing especially since we acquired a new status: ISO Certification. We wanted ISO Certification and as such we must observe the standards.

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